Set Boundaries, Find Peace
“A boundary is a cue to others about how to treat you.”
About two years after becoming a mom, I became emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I didn’t know when/how to set boundaries because I never learned as a child. I can’t recall anyone in my family modeling healthy boundaries. My mother wasn’t assertive with her needs and I followed in her footsteps.
After a while, I reached my breaking point. I was so drained! Almost everyday, I said “I’m tired.” Even after getting a full night of rest, I was still exhausted. It was so bad but I learned that you can’t be the best mother until you become the best individual you can be.
One healthy boundary I have set for myself is time boundaries. Time boundaries are how you allow others to use your time and how you structure your free time. When I became a mom I had a hard time managing my time. I struggled with scheduling time for self care and prioritizing my needs. I let mom's guilt get the best of me. I felt bad for going to the grocery store, going to doctor’s appointments, going to the hair salon, and spending time alone.
I am so grateful that I started to establish healthy boundaries because my life has changed tremendously. A few ways I set time boundaries are by dedicating time to myself. Every morning I dedicate at least one hour to personal development. During this time, I typically read, journal, exercise, and/or meditate.
Another way I dedicate time to myself is by scheduling a self care activity each month. I strive to do things that contribute to my physical, mental, and emotional well being. A few months ago I did a sip and paint in my living room and it was so much fun!
Ladies we have to pour into ourselves! Please stop risking your health to prove to others that you’re strong. I know it’s hard to erase learned behavior but you have to start somewhere.
If you struggle with setting healthy boundaries, I highly recommend you read Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. This book presents simple yet powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. The Lit Queens Book Club and I decided to read this book at the end of 2021 and it was the gentle reminder to take care of ourselves that we didn’t even realize we needed. I love how Nedra explained the different types of boundaries and gave us real life examples to show us how to set boundaries.
My key takeaway from the book was: Ask for what you need without feeling guilty.
What are some healthy boundaries you have set in your life and how have they changed your life?
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