I Don’t Want to Be a Strong Black Woman Anymore

Here's why.

The Strong Black Woman stereotype is a burden that I don’t want to carry anymore. I don’t want an accolade for killing myself. I used to be proud to say that I was a “Strong Black Woman” because it meant that I was invincible. I felt a sense of pride in being able to say “ I got this. ” and “I don’t need anyone.” But I just don't see strength in pretending to be someone I'm not.

 See the problem with being  a Strong Black Woman is that you have higher expectations than anyone else. You can't say no. You can't be emotional. You can't complain. You can't be yourself. The world views you as this superhuman who is incapable of shutting down. I don't know about you but I’m tired of suppressing my feelings. I’m tired of being told, “You'll be alright.” I think we’ve all cried enough silent tears. We've all sucked it up enough. 

I'm finally releasing  the Strong Black Woman torch. I don't need it anymore. I don’t have to be strong all the time. I don’t have to do everything and neither do you. It still brings tears to my eyes because I wore a cape for so long that I didn’t even know how to take it off. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I have to give a big shout to my fiancé who has helped me get there. He’s the real MVP.

All in all ladies, please stop risking your health to prove to others that you're “strong”. Let them think whatever they’d like. I know it’s hard to erase learned behavior but you have to start somewhere. Don't let your fear of scrutiny hold you back from being open.

Before you go… I have something for you.

Dear Strong Black Woman,

Give yourself permission to surrender. You've been strong your entire life. It’s time to take the armor off and leave the battlefield behind. Give yourself permission to be free. We can see right through you. Your bones are fragile, your eyes are sunken, your heels are bruised. We know you're tired. 

There are little girls watching you, frantically biting their nails, trying to figure out how they're going to carry the world on their back like you did. Please let them know that being a Strong Black Woman is dangerous.

There's more strength in asking for help.

I pray that beginning today every “Strong Black Woman” throws that title away and adopts this new mantra. Say it with me.

I will not drown in stress.

I will ask for help.

I will not struggle alone.

I will find a support system.

I will not neglect my health.

I will make self-care a priority.

I  will not die a strong black woman.

I will create a world where she doesn’t exist.

Amen. 

In your opinion, what does it mean to be a Strong Black Woman?