Three months after my daughter was born, my best friend was murdered. 2015 was hard. Every day was a struggle. No one truly knew how much pain I was in because I hid it so well. I had no choice but to grieve in silence. That’s what mothers do. We pretend we’re okay to make everyone else feel comfortable. We suck it up and move on with our lives. At least that’s what I thought I had to do. I’ve come a long way.

As a new mom I was very intentional about crying in front of others, especially my daughter. I used to believe crying was a sign of weakness, so I hid my tears. My car and my shower became my safe space. I never wanted anyone to think I was incapable of being a mom although I questioned myself plenty of times. I felt unfit. I was angry. I was sad. I was confused. I was lost. I still don’t understand why Nevin was taken away from me so soon. I don’t understand why my Uncle Boe, Bobby, or my Uncle Willie was taken away either. Death keeps showing up in my life and I think it’s trying to teach me something. Be grateful for what you have; nothing lasts forever.

Grieving looks different for everyone, but I can attest that grieving while you’re a mom/parent is very difficult. It’s nearly impossible. During my first year of motherhood my life was in shambles, and nobody knew. I say this to say, check on your friends who are new moms! Check on your strong friends! Check on anyone who says, “I’m good” every time you ask how they’re doing. You never know what they’re going through.

Together we can and will get through this! 

Below are some tips for parents who are grieving: 

·      Spend time alone- I know some people prefer to spend time with loved ones but it’s just as important to spend time alone. You need time to process your feelings. As bad as you want to show up for your family, you must show up for yourself first.

·      Take time off from work- Your job will be fine if you miss a day or two. Taking a day off from work will give you the opportunity to rest and reset. 

·      Journal- Pick up your journal and write! Let it all out!

·      Ask for help- Speak up and ask for what you need. Everyone has a breaking point. 

·      Practice gratitude- Count your blessings every day. Every day may not be good, but there is something good in each day. Sometimes you just have to search a little harder. 

·      Talk to your children- Let them know that you have emotions too. We don’t have to act like superheroes every day.

What other tips/advice would you give a mom/parent who is grieving?